A New Week

Well, here it is ....Monday again. Another new week to get the things done that I told myself I would do last week...or part of them, anyway...and did not get done. So this new week gives me another chance to try.
That's me...trying all the time...and sometime succeeding. That's when I celebrate. ha ha.
It does not take much to make me feel elated...just to know that I am doing something constructive and on my "to do" list...a thing accomplished.

Yesterday was our pastor's last sunday. wow! There were so many people there. he preached so wonderfully. Even the music sounded better. they will certainly be missed, that is for sure. After all, they had been there for 12 years and had planned to stay for only three. He was a "church starter".

I never will forget how I first met them.
My husband was on the committee to find a new pastor for another church we were in at that time, and this pastor had been interviewed, etc. The committee really prayed for him to come but it was not to be.
I am told that my husband used to sit outside their house and pray for them to make the change and to discuss it with them many times, but to no avail. I did not find that out until just a few months ago.
And now I was part of their congregation. God is still in control, isn't He? God wanted me to be sure to haveis preacher teach me. God always has a plan.

Have started cleaning "corners" of my house today.
Why? Oh, WHY? Do we collect so many things...and KEEP so many things....thinking we will use them again? I have found some things that I did not even remember having. It seems wonderful to think of "clean corners". ha ha

And when we do "clean", how many times do we say....I am never going to let this happen again????? Bet you all have done it too. ha ha

I am still praying about my permanent move to lp. Now that my church here is between pastors, maybe that is God telling me to go. I don't know. Help me pray about that, please. Let me know what you feel God is telling you to tell me.

I do know that I am trying to go down to lp more often...to get used to being there...and I am not having a problem with it...but a move is so definite....so, to say, closing an era of my life...the era that was with my husband.

I say over and over again, it is not because of him and the feeling of his being in this house that keeps me here, but who am I kidding????

HE bought this house for ME Even though he was not in it very long, he WAS in it.
It tears my heart apart to think of leaving it. Of leaving his presence...and I know I am not "leaving his presence" but this is as close as I can get ...being here in this house...to being with him.

The memories of him, the hugs, the chores together, the walking around this area together, the love that we shared here,,,it is very difficult. I now I have to move on.

I am doing it in so many areas. I am becoming stronger every day. I am venturing out in new things and new ideas all the time.

But I can't get rid of thinking about him.

I can't turn myself loose to think about even going to dinner or lunch with a man and being on a "friendly" date. That is not really a problem...I don't need anyone to date, but I am not "footloose and fancy free" in my heart, even tho I am a widow.

Dad is just too much a part of me. He will always be.

I sometime wonder how he would have been if I had died and he was without me.
I am sure he would have been doing lots of missions, hounding and bothering his family and his kids with "helpfulness", and would have, for sure, had females chasing him and bringing him food. ha ha.
Seems funny to even think about that. But he would have gone on, I know.

I know, if he could speak to me now, he would tell me how proud of me he is for the many ways I have changed and the things I have learned to do on my own.

And I know he would say to me, in regards to this matter of moving and of a completely different life, JUST SUCK IT UP.

YES, HE WOULD DO THAT, WOULDN'T HE? ha ha.
So, I will continue to try.