The Big Decision

I have already sent this news to everyone in the family....and I have told my closest friends in the LW and the BP area....but I feel I need to write about this.
It is therapy for me.

Man, I can remember all the vacation trips we have taken over the years, and I always kept a written diary of them. I often wondered why. But it was fun.

Now I look back over those diaries and I can laugh. Everyone that reads them laughs with me.

I can always tell when I was on a diet or into an exercise mode, or whatever was happening in our lives at that time. I have it all written down.

I never really thought anyone else would have any interest in the rambling thoughts I had, but now I realize that even in such a crazy thing as writing about a trip, my family (now they read them from time to time) and the family that comes after them, will know a little about what Irene was like.....what dad was like....and the funny things that happened in our lives.

I'm glad I wrote them,

I think back to when dad was so sick. I kept a diary the whole time it was happening. I kept notes on his doctor's visits and what we learned each time..even to what his temperature was on that day. I kept track of his visits to the hospital and a record of his meds and even his meals and how much he ate each day. It helped the hospice nurse and I felt like I was doing everything I could to make it easier for both of us to work together. Dad knew how much I cared.


I wrote in the diary every night during his illness, after he went to bed, and I was alone, with my thoughts, my fears, my sadness, and with my Lord.

The writing gave me such a release that I did not know it was doing.
And, everytime I closed it for that episode on paper, not realizing it, I signed it...thank you, Lord, amen.

I had not realized I was writing my prayers down.

Now I am doing it again. Only this time it is on the computer. Saves a lot of time instead of writing it on paper and it can be read by any family member that wants to know what is happening now in my heart and in my life...what the Lord is leading me through now. How He is working in my life to bring about the plans He has for me.

In fact, I see only one set of footprints in the sand right now. He is good.

I put my house on the real estate market yesterday. I signed the papers that will enable someone else to buy this gift that my husband bought me, where we shared memories, where we lived together and where we argued (we were normal), where we shared good news and bad news, and where we loved each other very much.

I know he would want me to do this....to put it up for sale.

In fact, when we left db to go vb, he suggested I go to all the neighbors and tell them the price we were asking and tell them we would go 5000 cheaper if they bought it from us before we connected with a realtor. One lady told us she had just purchased a house for her daughter nearby and wished she had gotten mine instead.
after we got the realtor, she bought it and then wanted us to go down the same 5 anyway, and we did, so that we could make the move.

So, if he were here in bp, he would probably have me do that again. wasn't he a hoot? I just think that he thought there was not anything that he asked me to do that I could not do. He had so much confidence in me, I know that now, but I always had the impression that I was always being trained, ha ha...maybe he was just "guiding me" and that is what a husband should do.

Anyway, the house is up for sale. Signed the papers yesterday and got a phone call last night from the neighbor next door up there...they said a sign was already stuck on the lawn. I think the realtor that is handling it is excited about the property.
Whoever gets it will have a wonderful place.

When we bought that house, a Christian family sold it to us...we talked about Jesus alot while we had our dealings.

Now I am praying that a Christian will buy it....one with a family...or the planning of one....someone that will use the house for the togetherness of fellow christians...that God will thrive there....that they will be good neighbors and that they will be received as good neighbors.

The Lord has been with me so much since dad went away, that I know God is in this too.

When I called two of the strongest christian men in my life to suggest a realtor to me, both said, unbeknownst to each other, the same woman, and she lives on the street next to me...and she's a christian.

This is not an easy decision. It is tearing at my heart. But when I go back to bp now, the house seems empty and big...and I am getting involved in lp.
I am meeting many new people..and getting into new things and activities. I am so lovingly accepted, that I know God is still working on me and with me, and leading me down here.

So I am asking for your prayers for this to go smoothly and for my strength to do the necessary things I need to do...to get rid of many of my belongings and to know who to give them to. God has blessed me and I certainly can't"outbless" Him, but that is what He expects me to do with those things...to give them as He gave them to me.

After all, nothing is mine anyway. It all belongs to God and He is just letting me use it. Thank you Lord for your generosity and love.

The

family ties

When I titled this post, I did not mean the ties that men wear. Isn't that silly??
I meant the ties that tie the family together. Not string ties, but emotional ties. the kind that can never, thankfully, broken...because in family ties, we are tied together forever....even when we don't want to be.
That is not the case with me...I very much wanted to be tied to my relatives and family members...my immediate family and my husband's family. they are all equally important and dear to me.
But when you are a widow. you question whether or not his family still loves you even though he is gone.
I know it is crazy to think that way, but, as a widow, you think differently about alot of things that you took so calmly and for granted before that happened.
I also had a problem getting my courage up so that I could be with his family because his brother has so many mannerisms,etc, like my husband had...I had to become strong enough to be around them for a longer time.
I did it. Another milestone in facing fears and terrors...no matter how small or big they tend to be.
I was with his family and they treated me like they always did. there were not rough or tough minutes. there was nothing said that made me sad. there was no feeling that I was not that cherished member of his family that I had always felt before.
I feel as though I have had a huge weight lifted off my shoulders ....and I guess I did...the weight that I had put there.
But now it is gone...and I am thankful for the love that has always been there.
I am thankful for the talks that we had a chance to have...the help that I received from all of them...just everything, in general, that I am secure in his family...that they are still mine...I need them so very much.
I praise God for everyone of them. Thank you, Lord.

Family

Family

Family

Family