Just sitting here thinking how much the world is changing.
When I was a young girl in school in a small southern town, we did not dare do some of the things that are being taken as "ordinary" nowadays.
Even in high school, we were not allowed to wear jeans to school... we wore only skirts, blouses, dresses...no high heels..no pedalpushers (as capri pants were called in those days), certainly no shorts.
would you believe that when we had our class of physical education every day, we even had to wear a bloomer-type of gym uniform or we got our grades cut. Weall hated them, of course, but we did not question it. It was a rule to do it.
We did not even think of drinking or smoking, even on our prom night,when we all felt we were "of age".
We were told by our parents whom to hang around with and whom to avoid....to keep our reputation pure and clean above everything else. Parents were very strict and we accepted it. I hated it then, but did it anyway. Now I am glad that I did. We needed guidance and that is what parents and teachers are supposed to do.
We did not even own a car, so when we went to the movies or anywhere around town, we walked...and if, when coming home from the movies with a date, we held hands, our family knew about it before we got home. We were not allowed to sit in front of the house if our date had a car...we had to come in as soon as it was parked. I felt my parents were so very strict, but everyone else's were like that too, and we did not question it or sass them back about it.
It just was not done.
We were never allowed to cuss. We went to church every sunday because we were told to go and because that was where all our friends were. We went to the youth fellowship every sunday evening after church..it was usually at the preacher's house...and sang fun christian songs and had cookies and punch. Life was simple and it was good. We did not feel we were deprived of anything. We had our school friends and our rules and we lived by them or got punished for it.
Now I look at the youth and I know they have so many benefits and advantages...such speedy internet...such wonderful cell phones, and all those conveniences...but I feel bad that they are missing so much of life.
They would laugh at me for saying that. I know that. But they can not know what they missed by missing my era without having lived in it and having done it.
A simpler time. A time without profanity and so much sex on the tv and radio. A time when you had time to enjoy life and had time to think. A time when companies advertizing their products did so with clean thoughts to encourage the sale of the product.
I must say, though, that I give lots of praise and loads of credit to the parents today. They have done a wonderful job of raising the children. I know it is all a different time and a diffent kind of rules, etc, but they are turning out to be something that even the "old adults" can admire.
I guess, as I sit here thinking about all this, and about the changes that have come about....that my parents and their parents before them....said the same things and thought the same thoughts that I have had. How can those young people do it? And, yet, as I look around, they are turning out beautifully and I love to watch them as they mature and "grow up".
It is just a changing world, isn't it? And we should all face it with an open heart, open mind, and open arms to welcome it. God is still in control.
w
Tuesday, August 18, 2009
Monday, August 17, 2009
It's Good to be Retired
Man! It is good to have all this free time to do what I want to do. Of course, it would be even better if I still had my husband, but I am growing accustomed to that.
Anyway, I really don't know how I used to have time to work when I had that short career of mine...ha ha.
Today I went to McDonald's and had coffee with a bunch of friends. Fairly new ones. And they are precious. We are all about the same age...all retired..some widows and widowers...some volunteer at the hospital...some just like to visit and talk with each other...but they are all supernice people. I have been blessed to be accepted by them.
The funny thing is that every time I meet a new person (at least I think he or she is new) and introduce myself, I find we have so many acquaintances in common that it shows me again what a small world it really is.
Today I met a lady who goes to the church that my husband and I got married in ...and she remembered my inlaws. She knows and loves one of my best friends who plays piano for the church once in awhile. Wow! It makes me braver to speak to everyone I know. What fun it is to meet people and make friends!
I am having the ladies from our McD group over to my house next month. Am looking forward to it. I think I will serve a pretty salad plate to each one with arranged salads on them...tuna salad, chicken salad, and ham salad....sliced cukes, tomatoes, and olives, and deviled eggs...I told them they could bring the crackers and breads. Sounds like fun. Guess I will have to think of a card game that we can play or whatever.
Open for suggestions.
Anyway, just wanted to journal this new day on the blog and let everyone know how wonderful it is to be alive, healthy, and to know my Jesus loves me and is watching over me. See you.
Anyway, I really don't know how I used to have time to work when I had that short career of mine...ha ha.
Today I went to McDonald's and had coffee with a bunch of friends. Fairly new ones. And they are precious. We are all about the same age...all retired..some widows and widowers...some volunteer at the hospital...some just like to visit and talk with each other...but they are all supernice people. I have been blessed to be accepted by them.
The funny thing is that every time I meet a new person (at least I think he or she is new) and introduce myself, I find we have so many acquaintances in common that it shows me again what a small world it really is.
Today I met a lady who goes to the church that my husband and I got married in ...and she remembered my inlaws. She knows and loves one of my best friends who plays piano for the church once in awhile. Wow! It makes me braver to speak to everyone I know. What fun it is to meet people and make friends!
I am having the ladies from our McD group over to my house next month. Am looking forward to it. I think I will serve a pretty salad plate to each one with arranged salads on them...tuna salad, chicken salad, and ham salad....sliced cukes, tomatoes, and olives, and deviled eggs...I told them they could bring the crackers and breads. Sounds like fun. Guess I will have to think of a card game that we can play or whatever.
Open for suggestions.
Anyway, just wanted to journal this new day on the blog and let everyone know how wonderful it is to be alive, healthy, and to know my Jesus loves me and is watching over me. See you.
Saturday, August 15, 2009
Family, Fun, and Laughter
Yesterday evening I had a group of family members...and friends...over for dinner. There were fourteen of us and it was fun.
One family couple was visiting from georgia and it was so good to see them.
For some reason, you expect people to change in some way when they move to a different area. Crazy, isn't it? If anything, it makes us a more openminded person because we are more conscious of things, happenings, and people around us...and we learn from them all. It makes everyone more dear to us when we see them on their visits.
When they lived in town here, we saw them regularly, but it is not same thing when they return to our area. They become more important, more precious. Isn't it wonderful how we can pick up a conversation that we seemed to be having when they moved away...it seems not a word or thought was missed. It's a wonderful thing to be with family and friends so dear to us.
There is another family couple that have a part time home in north carolina and they were at the dinner but left this morning to go back for a few weeks. We will miss them but thanks to the computer and the cell phone, we keep in touch with them, perhaps more than we did when they were in town. They are dear people and I love them deeply.
I must say here that the woman in this couple is my motivator...she introduces to new friends in the area and gets me involved in good Christian projects. I am thankful for her and her help in these matters.
One of the family couples lives just 15 miles or so down the road. They are here all year long as is the other couple that lives just 2 miles from me. What would I do without these dear, dear family members? They have seen me through some sad and difficult times in the last few years, as has the whole family. It is good to have someone so close.
We always have such a good time when we get together. I have never, or very seldom, heard of, or met a family like this one that I was blessed to marry into. We always eat when we get together, that's a must, and it is just so much fun to be crazy and laugh....at anything...with this wonderful family group.
I praise the Lord every day for blessing me with them.
One family couple was visiting from georgia and it was so good to see them.
For some reason, you expect people to change in some way when they move to a different area. Crazy, isn't it? If anything, it makes us a more openminded person because we are more conscious of things, happenings, and people around us...and we learn from them all. It makes everyone more dear to us when we see them on their visits.
When they lived in town here, we saw them regularly, but it is not same thing when they return to our area. They become more important, more precious. Isn't it wonderful how we can pick up a conversation that we seemed to be having when they moved away...it seems not a word or thought was missed. It's a wonderful thing to be with family and friends so dear to us.
There is another family couple that have a part time home in north carolina and they were at the dinner but left this morning to go back for a few weeks. We will miss them but thanks to the computer and the cell phone, we keep in touch with them, perhaps more than we did when they were in town. They are dear people and I love them deeply.
I must say here that the woman in this couple is my motivator...she introduces to new friends in the area and gets me involved in good Christian projects. I am thankful for her and her help in these matters.
One of the family couples lives just 15 miles or so down the road. They are here all year long as is the other couple that lives just 2 miles from me. What would I do without these dear, dear family members? They have seen me through some sad and difficult times in the last few years, as has the whole family. It is good to have someone so close.
We always have such a good time when we get together. I have never, or very seldom, heard of, or met a family like this one that I was blessed to marry into. We always eat when we get together, that's a must, and it is just so much fun to be crazy and laugh....at anything...with this wonderful family group.
I praise the Lord every day for blessing me with them.
Wednesday, August 12, 2009
A Trip to Yesterdays
I went to see my sister in another town yesterday. I took a dear friend of mine along. The friend is one I have had since the fourth grade in school, so we know each other very well and still love each other, even after all this time.
Anyway, back to the trip.
It was almost 80 miles to her house and the traffic was so very slow. I guess everyone is really conscious of the tickets that the police seem to be giving out so readily nowadays. It seemed like it took forever to get there.
When we walked in the door, it was so wonderful to be lovingly greeted and hugged so warmly by both my brother in law and my sister. Bless her heart! She smiles all the time and B said that she is happy all the time. She sleeps alot. And, of course, he has to keep up with her meds, etc. but all is going well. I know it is difficult for him to care for her, not the "caring" part, but the part where she doesn't remember like she used to and does not hold conversations anymore. It is sad, but B is taking it all in stride and in a few weeks, they will be celebrating their 60th wedding anniversary. Their four children surprised them around Mother's Day, did not tell the parents they were coming for a visit, and when B and my sister went outside to get the morning paper, they came back into the house and saw all their kids and their spouses sitting in the living room. Wasn't that wonderful??
My sister has dementia.... I hsve been thinking about this...and I have always heard that those people having this problem remember the PAST and those were the good years for them. Of course, they have ALL been good, I know that, but the first years of marriage are always the ones we remininsce about so often...when we did not have much more than each other....when eating out meant to cook hamburgers in the back yard, that sort of thing...but precious memories, all of them, even the truly hard times.
B was starting a project. He had five huge packing crates of family pictures and he was beginning to go through them and make separate piles for each member of the family. He had one started for me. I brought them home with me.
Then he pulled out an album and we talked and shared memories while we looked at pictures of my siblings, so long ago, and of my parents.
I had not looked at a picture of my parents in a while, and it truly shocked me when I saw my mom. I could not believe how much I look like her...the hair, the body...so much that it is amazing. So I am framing a picture of my mom and dad, and putting it on a table.
I know that everyone that sees it will say how much I look like her. To me that is a blessing. I lost my mom so early in life but I still miss her so much...so often wonder what she would think of her "baby girl" now. I hope she would be proud.
Somehow, it makes me feel more loved...to feel closer to her....to remember how much she loved me, eventhough I was only seven years old when she died, I still can remember her so well, even though there are not many memories, they are all precious to me.
So the trip yesterday was well worth it. To see my sis, whom I don't know how much longer she will remember me, to see the love that her husband shows to her and the tender care he gives her, to share the family memories, and to have had time with one of my best friends.
It was wonderful, it was all worth the time it took, and it is another bunch of memories that I will reminence over some day.
When they vowed "for better or worse, sickness or health", they meant it. Bless their hearts! Truly makes me appreciate them even more. I would ask everyone to add them to your prayer lists. thank you.
Anyway, back to the trip.
It was almost 80 miles to her house and the traffic was so very slow. I guess everyone is really conscious of the tickets that the police seem to be giving out so readily nowadays. It seemed like it took forever to get there.
When we walked in the door, it was so wonderful to be lovingly greeted and hugged so warmly by both my brother in law and my sister. Bless her heart! She smiles all the time and B said that she is happy all the time. She sleeps alot. And, of course, he has to keep up with her meds, etc. but all is going well. I know it is difficult for him to care for her, not the "caring" part, but the part where she doesn't remember like she used to and does not hold conversations anymore. It is sad, but B is taking it all in stride and in a few weeks, they will be celebrating their 60th wedding anniversary. Their four children surprised them around Mother's Day, did not tell the parents they were coming for a visit, and when B and my sister went outside to get the morning paper, they came back into the house and saw all their kids and their spouses sitting in the living room. Wasn't that wonderful??
My sister has dementia.... I hsve been thinking about this...and I have always heard that those people having this problem remember the PAST and those were the good years for them. Of course, they have ALL been good, I know that, but the first years of marriage are always the ones we remininsce about so often...when we did not have much more than each other....when eating out meant to cook hamburgers in the back yard, that sort of thing...but precious memories, all of them, even the truly hard times.
B was starting a project. He had five huge packing crates of family pictures and he was beginning to go through them and make separate piles for each member of the family. He had one started for me. I brought them home with me.
Then he pulled out an album and we talked and shared memories while we looked at pictures of my siblings, so long ago, and of my parents.
I had not looked at a picture of my parents in a while, and it truly shocked me when I saw my mom. I could not believe how much I look like her...the hair, the body...so much that it is amazing. So I am framing a picture of my mom and dad, and putting it on a table.
I know that everyone that sees it will say how much I look like her. To me that is a blessing. I lost my mom so early in life but I still miss her so much...so often wonder what she would think of her "baby girl" now. I hope she would be proud.
Somehow, it makes me feel more loved...to feel closer to her....to remember how much she loved me, eventhough I was only seven years old when she died, I still can remember her so well, even though there are not many memories, they are all precious to me.
So the trip yesterday was well worth it. To see my sis, whom I don't know how much longer she will remember me, to see the love that her husband shows to her and the tender care he gives her, to share the family memories, and to have had time with one of my best friends.
It was wonderful, it was all worth the time it took, and it is another bunch of memories that I will reminence over some day.
When they vowed "for better or worse, sickness or health", they meant it. Bless their hearts! Truly makes me appreciate them even more. I would ask everyone to add them to your prayer lists. thank you.
Saturday, August 8, 2009
Promises
I just returned from having dinner with a friend of mine. It was nice to be with her. It had been almost a month since we had had the time to get together. She's a special friend.
As I was driving home, I looked up at the sky ahead of me and saw a beautiful rainbow.
It has been a long time since I have seen one. I am sure they have been there because we have been having good rainfalls lately. I think I just am not observant enough and miss many things that I should be seeing.
The first thought that popped into my head when I saw the rainbow was God's promises.
I know He promised not to destroy the earth with rain again but that was not really the promise I was thinking about. It was all the other promises He made to us.
Of course, my favorite one, and you all know this, is that He will never leave us and the other favorite one is that He will never allow anything to happen in our lives that He does not give the strength and grace to endure and the wisdom to handle.
Man! When my husband was sick with cancer, I really used that second promise and relied on it so very much.
I prayed it every morning before going in to check on him and begin the new day...the new day with cancer...the new day with such a positive thinking husband that he always made me feel ashamed for ever even THINKING negative. It takes alot of faith in the Lord to be the way my husband was. He knew God's promises and he recited them constantly. He knew His Lord was keeping them with him.
And every day I saw and felt the Lord keeping those promises with me...to never leave me and to provide the strength for anything that happens. I am not a "nurse" type person and I never would have been able to handle the things that happen if it had not been for the special strength, patience, wisdom, and love that God supplied.
I never dreamed how much I would continue to rely on those promises after my husband died. I still know the love and the protection, the wisdom and the patience, the guidance and the knowledge that He gives me each day....and the comfort that I am not alone, no matter what happens with friends or family....He is always holding me in His arms in a tight, warm "bear" hug. I feel his presence and his strength all the time
And the people He brings into my life...the new friends, the old friends, people from everywhere that He blesses me with. That is part of that "He will never leave me alone" verse. And He hasn't...and He doesn't...and He won't. I can rely on that promise.
I can relax and rely on Him...and His promises...and His love. Thank you, Lord.
Now I must be sure to keep my promises to Him that I make. Lord, teach me more.
As I was driving home, I looked up at the sky ahead of me and saw a beautiful rainbow.
It has been a long time since I have seen one. I am sure they have been there because we have been having good rainfalls lately. I think I just am not observant enough and miss many things that I should be seeing.
The first thought that popped into my head when I saw the rainbow was God's promises.
I know He promised not to destroy the earth with rain again but that was not really the promise I was thinking about. It was all the other promises He made to us.
Of course, my favorite one, and you all know this, is that He will never leave us and the other favorite one is that He will never allow anything to happen in our lives that He does not give the strength and grace to endure and the wisdom to handle.
Man! When my husband was sick with cancer, I really used that second promise and relied on it so very much.
I prayed it every morning before going in to check on him and begin the new day...the new day with cancer...the new day with such a positive thinking husband that he always made me feel ashamed for ever even THINKING negative. It takes alot of faith in the Lord to be the way my husband was. He knew God's promises and he recited them constantly. He knew His Lord was keeping them with him.
And every day I saw and felt the Lord keeping those promises with me...to never leave me and to provide the strength for anything that happens. I am not a "nurse" type person and I never would have been able to handle the things that happen if it had not been for the special strength, patience, wisdom, and love that God supplied.
I never dreamed how much I would continue to rely on those promises after my husband died. I still know the love and the protection, the wisdom and the patience, the guidance and the knowledge that He gives me each day....and the comfort that I am not alone, no matter what happens with friends or family....He is always holding me in His arms in a tight, warm "bear" hug. I feel his presence and his strength all the time
And the people He brings into my life...the new friends, the old friends, people from everywhere that He blesses me with. That is part of that "He will never leave me alone" verse. And He hasn't...and He doesn't...and He won't. I can rely on that promise.
I can relax and rely on Him...and His promises...and His love. Thank you, Lord.
Now I must be sure to keep my promises to Him that I make. Lord, teach me more.
Thursday, August 6, 2009
Changes
I seem to be talking often about changes, don't I? But we all make changes. Sometime the changes are so minute that they are not noticed for a little while...for instance, shorter patience, more laziness, less interest in things happening around us...seems these are all negatives, but there are positives too. For instance, more time taken to do your private bible readings (just because you are eager to read and learn more), more awareof exercising and of your healthy eating, more aware of the needs of the people around you...not just material needs but the listening when special love is needed.
Sometime we get so involved and so busy with our lives, that those things are overlooked.
I have been staying around my house more this week. I have been doing little things here...like rearranging furniture, cleaning nooks and crannies, visiting with friends, and being there when needed. It has been a good week. I did not realize how busy I had become until I took this week to think back and to slow down. We all have to do that from time to time, don't we?
To slow down, look around, and to take notice of what's going on in your life. To stop and smell the roses. To take stock of all the blessings that God has given you...that, of course, is impossible. How could we ever recall and remember all the blessings He has given us? I find, though, that when I think and recollect, I becomse more aware of others that I can help in some small way. It makes me feel wonderful to be used by God to do these things, but it makes me ashamed that I was not aware of them before this.
In these times, we need to be more aware of the changes around us....of how we can help the Lord...isn't that funny? ....help the Lord....He does not need our help but I am glad He gives me things to do...for Him.
I like changes. Some of them are difficult to handle and some are so amazingly simple that you smile through the complete time it is taking place.
But even when the difficult changes appear, I praise the Lord, because I know He is going to give me strength and wisdom to see me through it, that I will grow stronger by learning this new "thing", and that He will never leave me alone...not in the difficult changes or in the easy ones. Isn't He wonderful!!!!
So I guess that this blog is just to share what is happening right now and what I am learning day by day...that I am loved so much by my Lord. I feel so secure in His arms. I hope you take time to realize the same feeling in your life. Love.
Sometime we get so involved and so busy with our lives, that those things are overlooked.
I have been staying around my house more this week. I have been doing little things here...like rearranging furniture, cleaning nooks and crannies, visiting with friends, and being there when needed. It has been a good week. I did not realize how busy I had become until I took this week to think back and to slow down. We all have to do that from time to time, don't we?
To slow down, look around, and to take notice of what's going on in your life. To stop and smell the roses. To take stock of all the blessings that God has given you...that, of course, is impossible. How could we ever recall and remember all the blessings He has given us? I find, though, that when I think and recollect, I becomse more aware of others that I can help in some small way. It makes me feel wonderful to be used by God to do these things, but it makes me ashamed that I was not aware of them before this.
In these times, we need to be more aware of the changes around us....of how we can help the Lord...isn't that funny? ....help the Lord....He does not need our help but I am glad He gives me things to do...for Him.
I like changes. Some of them are difficult to handle and some are so amazingly simple that you smile through the complete time it is taking place.
But even when the difficult changes appear, I praise the Lord, because I know He is going to give me strength and wisdom to see me through it, that I will grow stronger by learning this new "thing", and that He will never leave me alone...not in the difficult changes or in the easy ones. Isn't He wonderful!!!!
So I guess that this blog is just to share what is happening right now and what I am learning day by day...that I am loved so much by my Lord. I feel so secure in His arms. I hope you take time to realize the same feeling in your life. Love.
Monday, August 3, 2009
A New Week
Well, here it is ....Monday again. Another new week to get the things done that I told myself I would do last week...or part of them, anyway...and did not get done. So this new week gives me another chance to try.
That's me...trying all the time...and sometime succeeding. That's when I celebrate. ha ha.
It does not take much to make me feel elated...just to know that I am doing something constructive and on my "to do" list...a thing accomplished.
Yesterday was our pastor's last sunday. wow! There were so many people there. he preached so wonderfully. Even the music sounded better. they will certainly be missed, that is for sure. After all, they had been there for 12 years and had planned to stay for only three. He was a "church starter".
I never will forget how I first met them.
My husband was on the committee to find a new pastor for another church we were in at that time, and this pastor had been interviewed, etc. The committee really prayed for him to come but it was not to be.
I am told that my husband used to sit outside their house and pray for them to make the change and to discuss it with them many times, but to no avail. I did not find that out until just a few months ago.
And now I was part of their congregation. God is still in control, isn't He? God wanted me to be sure to haveis preacher teach me. God always has a plan.
Have started cleaning "corners" of my house today.
Why? Oh, WHY? Do we collect so many things...and KEEP so many things....thinking we will use them again? I have found some things that I did not even remember having. It seems wonderful to think of "clean corners". ha ha
And when we do "clean", how many times do we say....I am never going to let this happen again????? Bet you all have done it too. ha ha
I am still praying about my permanent move to lp. Now that my church here is between pastors, maybe that is God telling me to go. I don't know. Help me pray about that, please. Let me know what you feel God is telling you to tell me.
I do know that I am trying to go down to lp more often...to get used to being there...and I am not having a problem with it...but a move is so definite....so, to say, closing an era of my life...the era that was with my husband.
I say over and over again, it is not because of him and the feeling of his being in this house that keeps me here, but who am I kidding????
HE bought this house for ME Even though he was not in it very long, he WAS in it.
It tears my heart apart to think of leaving it. Of leaving his presence...and I know I am not "leaving his presence" but this is as close as I can get ...being here in this house...to being with him.
The memories of him, the hugs, the chores together, the walking around this area together, the love that we shared here,,,it is very difficult. I now I have to move on.
I am doing it in so many areas. I am becoming stronger every day. I am venturing out in new things and new ideas all the time.
But I can't get rid of thinking about him.
I can't turn myself loose to think about even going to dinner or lunch with a man and being on a "friendly" date. That is not really a problem...I don't need anyone to date, but I am not "footloose and fancy free" in my heart, even tho I am a widow.
Dad is just too much a part of me. He will always be.
I sometime wonder how he would have been if I had died and he was without me.
I am sure he would have been doing lots of missions, hounding and bothering his family and his kids with "helpfulness", and would have, for sure, had females chasing him and bringing him food. ha ha.
Seems funny to even think about that. But he would have gone on, I know.
I know, if he could speak to me now, he would tell me how proud of me he is for the many ways I have changed and the things I have learned to do on my own.
And I know he would say to me, in regards to this matter of moving and of a completely different life, JUST SUCK IT UP.
YES, HE WOULD DO THAT, WOULDN'T HE? ha ha.
So, I will continue to try.
That's me...trying all the time...and sometime succeeding. That's when I celebrate. ha ha.
It does not take much to make me feel elated...just to know that I am doing something constructive and on my "to do" list...a thing accomplished.
Yesterday was our pastor's last sunday. wow! There were so many people there. he preached so wonderfully. Even the music sounded better. they will certainly be missed, that is for sure. After all, they had been there for 12 years and had planned to stay for only three. He was a "church starter".
I never will forget how I first met them.
My husband was on the committee to find a new pastor for another church we were in at that time, and this pastor had been interviewed, etc. The committee really prayed for him to come but it was not to be.
I am told that my husband used to sit outside their house and pray for them to make the change and to discuss it with them many times, but to no avail. I did not find that out until just a few months ago.
And now I was part of their congregation. God is still in control, isn't He? God wanted me to be sure to haveis preacher teach me. God always has a plan.
Have started cleaning "corners" of my house today.
Why? Oh, WHY? Do we collect so many things...and KEEP so many things....thinking we will use them again? I have found some things that I did not even remember having. It seems wonderful to think of "clean corners". ha ha
And when we do "clean", how many times do we say....I am never going to let this happen again????? Bet you all have done it too. ha ha
I am still praying about my permanent move to lp. Now that my church here is between pastors, maybe that is God telling me to go. I don't know. Help me pray about that, please. Let me know what you feel God is telling you to tell me.
I do know that I am trying to go down to lp more often...to get used to being there...and I am not having a problem with it...but a move is so definite....so, to say, closing an era of my life...the era that was with my husband.
I say over and over again, it is not because of him and the feeling of his being in this house that keeps me here, but who am I kidding????
HE bought this house for ME Even though he was not in it very long, he WAS in it.
It tears my heart apart to think of leaving it. Of leaving his presence...and I know I am not "leaving his presence" but this is as close as I can get ...being here in this house...to being with him.
The memories of him, the hugs, the chores together, the walking around this area together, the love that we shared here,,,it is very difficult. I now I have to move on.
I am doing it in so many areas. I am becoming stronger every day. I am venturing out in new things and new ideas all the time.
But I can't get rid of thinking about him.
I can't turn myself loose to think about even going to dinner or lunch with a man and being on a "friendly" date. That is not really a problem...I don't need anyone to date, but I am not "footloose and fancy free" in my heart, even tho I am a widow.
Dad is just too much a part of me. He will always be.
I sometime wonder how he would have been if I had died and he was without me.
I am sure he would have been doing lots of missions, hounding and bothering his family and his kids with "helpfulness", and would have, for sure, had females chasing him and bringing him food. ha ha.
Seems funny to even think about that. But he would have gone on, I know.
I know, if he could speak to me now, he would tell me how proud of me he is for the many ways I have changed and the things I have learned to do on my own.
And I know he would say to me, in regards to this matter of moving and of a completely different life, JUST SUCK IT UP.
YES, HE WOULD DO THAT, WOULDN'T HE? ha ha.
So, I will continue to try.
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